Can I truly let go? When is the appropriate time to let go? Do I have the ability to see those kind of people in a new light? What truly is my problem?
I will start from the beginning for those of you who do not know what is going on. About three weeks ago there was a shootout between my neighbor and some unidentified people in his front yard. A stray round from the weapons being fired entered my house 18" from my head while I was sleeping. This has started a whole flood of emotions in my family that are hard to describe or list.
I shall stick to those emotions that only I have and that I still struggle with. After this event I felt unsafe walking around my house without an unloaded weapon on my person. One day after the shooting, our family decided that it was in our best interest to start staying at a different location. We have been staying at this alternative location too this date.
The problems that I have are as follows: 1) whenever I am near our old city I revert back to my Army training, 2) I have trouble with people who look the same as the shooter, 3) I have flashbacks whenever I hear a loud bang, 4) I almost was shot in the face and do not care about it. Upon further reflections of these feeling, I am fine with numbers one through three. I am glad that I reverted back to my Army training during the event and following. I need to remind myself that not everyone is like those people who were shooting. And eventually the flashbacks will go away, just like they did with my leg injury.
But the lack of regard for my own life is of some concern. Why would I have so little regard for something so precious? What is different about my thought process that allows me to have this opinion? In society we are surrounded by ways to stay alive or try to stay alive longer. Yet, this man has no problem walking away from this world. Please do not twist my words or mis-understand (I would never or have never thought about taking my own life).
The only difference that I can find is the comfort that I find in the Lord. I know that His hand is guiding me in all that I do. For the Lord has a perfect plan for my life even though I may not understand it. But I will bold walk through this life not afraid of what this world has to throw at me. I have seizure, migraine, chronic back pain, a head injury, and now have almost been shot in the face. I pray that the Lord will continue to give me the ability to boldly proclaim His name and give Him the glory while doing it. If you want to find out about people really going through troubles, you only need to read the book of Acts.
**To the Ends of the Earth**