The Oz Blog View about stuff while living in the Land of Oz

3Feb/12Off

Accept myself, really?

I am a disabled Army veteran, who has trouble walking, talking, and remembering. I have anger issues and seek help at the VA Medical Center in my home town. The people I talk with at the VA, my family, and my friends, all tell me that "I am doing great!" Over the summer I started having seizures and now I have to walk with a cane. I was told, "just get use to people looking at you, toughen up a little bit."
I talk with a lot of people who try to encourage me to drive on. Well, driving on is what put me into my current situation. While in the Army at Airborne school, I suffered several concussions and did not tell anyone. I want to be Army Strong and make the jumps. Too bad in the end, I broke my lower leg in two places and hurt my back. After three surgeries on my ankle the Army said I was not fit to be a soldier anymore.
So I go from being Army Strong to unfit in about 20 seconds. Plus, during a time of war, this soldier does not get the option to deploy. Now, I am injured from training and not war. So do people really care about the soldiers who are injured in training, nope. I can tell you from experience. I put my life on the line just like everyone else who signed up for the military. I wanted to deploy and fight, but because of an airborne injury I could not. So now I am less of a soldier.
Let me understand this right, you want me to accept myself? First, people wonder why I am disabled and limping around. Then I hear, "well at least you did not have to deploy." Yeah, because I joined the Army during war not to deploy. As if deploying would make the injuries easier to accept.
I would fully love to accept myself for the way I am, but I just cannot. The way that I am right now is just not good enough for me. I do not want to be like this the rest of my life! I will not accept myself like this! I will strive to become better than I was before. I may not be able to run as fast, so what. I am not be able to do as many push-up or sit-up, who cares. Or I may not even be able to drive, but that will not stop me from becoming a better person, husband, father, son, brother, uncle, and friend!

Red Beards

 

**To the Ends of the Earth**

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